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What I have written among these
next few pages come from my heart based on personal experiences. In my
past I have been battered, mentally abused, as well as date raped. I
wanted to get the feelings out to share with those that have also been through
it. I have a printable version if anyone wants to print it up and share it
with others. Also, as a dear friend pointed out to me, women as well as
men can perform these things. |
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Part 1: Why we get into destructive
relationships |
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Have you ever noticed just how many
people fall in love, get married, and not long after (or sometimes years later)
get divorced? Haven't you ever wondered why that is? I'm sure everyone that is
reading this has thought, "this is the one, this is the person I will spend the
rest of my life with," only to find out that there was something you didn't know
about getting into the relationship that will eventually ruin it. Everyone is
guilty of going into love blind. When you fall in love you pray that this person
will be "the one" and you make yourself believe in this, even if it's obviously
not true. But what is it about love that makes us do these things? Why do we
even seek out love? Well, after several failed relationships of my own, and
watching several of the ones of those closest to me, I've come to the following
conclusion. People fall in love for assorted reasons, and I shall now touch on
some of the ones I've noticed are most common. |
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There are those out there (myself
included) that will go into a relationship with blinders on. They will fall so
hard and so fast they do not see the warning signs. Even their friends will warn
them, but these people generally tend to ignore the warnings because they cannot
see it. They are so desperate to achieve "perfect love" that they will ignore
anything that goes against that. More times than not, there's other reasons for
this. One being loneliness. Another is "the clock is ticking." Desperation. Low
self esteem. The list can go on forever. When they finally do realize it, it's
too late and the hurt they go through is unbearable. Sometimes they will even
try to work things through, even though it is a hopeless cause. When your
friend's going through this, just be there for them, and when they fall be there
to catch them and help them back on their feet. You can warn them all you want,
but they will not see it, and if they are totally into the other person, they
may even get upset with you for "interfering." Do not let this get to you, you
want to help, but there's generally no helping them until they open their eyes
on their own. |
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Loneliness. How many of you have been
with a person because you don't want to be alone? You may not necessarily want
to spend the rest of your life with that person, but you need "someone."
Loneliness is a terrible thing, it can make a person's heart ache, and thus they
seek out companionship in whatever form they can. Their friends could best help
the ones who fall in love for this reason. They got into the relationship
because they need someone, as friends you should be there for them. Give them
the companionship they need. Let them know they are loved. Give them the
affection they need so they don't break someone else's heart. |
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I feel desperation and "ticking clock"
generally fall under the same description. You are starting to get older in age,
you feel you need to settle down. Maybe you don't want to get too old before
having children, or possibly you just fear growing old alone. Women tend to have
the biological clock problem. Time is ticking, and you need someone. A lot of
times you will fine someone that is almost perfect and settle with them, but is
this truly the wisest thing to do? |
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"Almost everything is perfect." These
are one of the toughest relationships. How do you handle one that is perfect in
almost every aspect, yet there's one of the major components missing? For some,
this may actually work out, if the missing component is known from the
beginning. What about those, however, that don't realize something is missing?
What if that something, although major, is kept hidden somehow? What do you do
when it finally comes out? Some relationships, by this point, are so strong it
can be worked around. Obviously it had been worked around to this point, so to
continue would not be disastrous. However, what if the reason it came out was
because of insecurity? |
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This leads me to another reason for a
disastrous relationship. Insecurity. Low self-esteem. No self worth. Again, I am
guilty of these. You feel so terrible about yourself that you look to another to
bring yourself up, or down. This is always a tough one because there's always
the two ways you can go. You are feeling really low about yourself, you meet
someone that showers you with compliments. They make you feel really good about
yourself, so you get involved with them. Okay, so some will say, "what's wrong
with that?" The true question should be, "are you with them because of how they
make you feel about yourself, or how you feel about them?" The other way a
person with low self-esteem can go is with the person that solidifies their
feelings about their self. Destructive relationships. A person feels really low,
meets someone that feels equally low and wallows in self-pity with them. Or
perhaps your partner says you are worse off than them. They need someone to make
them feel more significant, and they do this by degrading their partner. This is
a trap many that suffer from low self worth fall into because they believe it's
true. To have someone pity you for it, telling you that it is true, but they
still want you. |
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The other person pulls the wool over
your eyes, as well as everyone else's. Have you ever dated that person that
makes you believe they are truly the person you are looking for? That person
that finds out everything you like and pretend to be into it as well. You become
attracted to them, eventually falling in love, and then it comes out, the true
self. You can't believe you were so foolish, but don't blame yourself. More than
likely they pulled the wool over your friends eyes too, you will not be the only
one feeling betrayed, it's just too bad you had to go through so much first. |
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Well, these are some of the ones I was
able to come up with on my own, but if anyone out there knows of some more
please share them with me so that I can add them to this page and let me know if
you want your name with your inspiration or not. |
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